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Friday, 5 August 2016

Miss Jean Louis: The Kale Years

Image: Twitter / @MissJeanLouis
Every gisher worth their kale has heard of Miss Jean Louis. They've heard tales of how she managed to corner a lone Misha in the wild, how she took him to Gish HQ and over a period of many years managed to teach him to understand the basics of human living. Admittedly he still wears pineapple shoes and will only eat from a dish weaved from the stems of fresh flowers, but it's a credit to her extraordinary stamina and determination that he is even able to integrate into society at all.

But most gishers only know about Miss Jean Louis after the Misha incident. What did this elusive character get up to before she had to care for Misha? How did she spend her days before she had to save the world from the hideous plight of normalcy? 

Well, in her newly-released and long-anticipated biography, Miss Jean Louis reveals all. And the most shocking aspect of her formative years? The Kale Years.

Long before that momentous day when Miss Jean Louis first stumbled across Misha, she was but a young and carefree girl. As explained in the first chapter of her scintillating biography, From Ages 3 to Abnosome, Miss Jean Louis grew up on a space station on a small satellite orbiting Mars, with only Elopus and an uncommunicative alien for company. But I digress - you surely know all about that already, as you're here to read about what happened after MJL mastered the secret of the artichoke, harnessed the power of the seven almighty platypuses, and saved the world from imminent destruction - at least three times in eight days. 

We still know very little about the dark days that followed. We only know what we've managed to glean from the little snippets Miss Jean Louis has subliminally planted in gishwhes items during past hunts. However, these next three years came to be known as The Kale Years. 

Almost every expert and scholar of Gish agree that The Kale Years played a vital role in the eventual creation of gishwhes. The things MJL saw during The Kale Years cannot be named, for things as boring and mundane as the things Jean Louis saw during those dark years deserve only to be banished to the deepest, darkest recesses of that one mouldy trunk in your grandma's attic. 

Completely alone in a Peruvian forest, surrounded by kale, it was then, and only then, that Miss Jean Louis realised her true purpose in life - to rid the world of normalcy. And thus, the seed of gishwhes was sown.

* Please note: This post was written as a submission for Team Shiola for gishwhes 2016, the international scavenger hunt. The information contained within the post may or may not be true - I couldn't possibly tell you. 

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